I relate to so much of what you’ve said here. I, too and 44, perimenopausal, and undiagnosed neurodivergent! And I need time away from screens and input to create my best work. I’m so sad you’ve had to give up the field! I hope something else springs up in its place for you ❤️
My heart goes out to you as you move from one field, hopefully (at some time in the future), to another. At the moment, we are also feeling the unfairness of being renters, as the home we've been in for nine years is set to be sold, unfortunately for a much higher price than it is actually worth. It's also a place where we've planted various trees, including a linden that will likely flower for the first time this year. Our totally organic no-dig garden is thriving, and I suppose without our presence will be returned to a conventional one. But, as you said, our caretaking gave the land a chance to rest, to feel safe, even experience something new from people who loved it just for being. Best wishes to you for new adventures!
Thank you, Cheryl. I love how you frame our caretaking of the land as giving "the land a chance to rest, to feel safe, even experience something new from people who loved it just for being." It gives meaning to something impermanent and brings me some comfort. I am so sorry for the loss of your garden. Some wisdom on this came from my grandmother, who died earlier this year. She was part of a generation who typically owned their homes, as she did. But despite her decades-long love for and tending of her garden, she eventually had to leave it when she moved into care, too. Everything changes. Sending love x
Beautiful as ever Caroline. Thank you for your thoughts on slowness. I often feel like my process and progress are snail's pace or two steps forward, one step back. But still carrying on, in my own time.
Sorry to hear about the field. I hope the new name emerges soon.
Oh, how sad about losing the re-wilded field. Heartbreaking for sure, however, you will always know how you played a huge role in regeneration... and that's wonderful.
Like you, I'm more of a reader here on Substack than a writer nowadays, and I love being part of what you said: a more 'analogue' experience of connection here. Looking forward to what comes next for you.
Thank you for the kind words, Sally. It is a lovely way to reframe the loss of the field, to know what life it held while it was in our care, and what life will persist now that it isn't. Have a beautiful equinox weekend 🩷
I'm with you here, Caroline. I want to retreat and write in the dark, as you mention, but there is the pressure to stay present. I'm no juggler, but I'm figuring it out. Keep writing, my friend! ❤️
"So much creative work happens in the dark. Listening to your own inner drives and cycles is a skill set that is undermined by the pressure to produce rather than create."
I think I might not be too far away from you. After the glorious last few days it is indeed grey and chilly today and had me reaching for a favourite jumper 🩵
I’m so sorry you are loosing the field. That must sting so much.
I love this piece of writing though. Thankyou for sharing - much I can relate to in this post and it’s helpful to my own process and finding my elusive North Star
Thanks so much 🩷 It's OK, the field will still be there, just more frequently mown and controlled than we have let it be. With that said I have had to grieve the loss. Forwards, gently! Happy spring equinox my friend x
I had a dream once about dog roses. I was sad that they were being repeatedly mowed / flailed. They laughed at me, in a kind, isn’t she naive sort of way, saying didnt i know that they would spring back, it was waiting underneath, that all would be ok.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful words Caroline. I’m 54, Taurus, menopausal and undiagnosed neurodivergent. I share your longing for slowness and peace in what feels like a harmful world right now.
Your words remind me to see the beauty and light that still exists ❤️
Sorry to hear you lost the back field, am grateful tha I got to sit out there and watch the goings on - and take a few photos. I am on Substack too andd wonder if you subscribe to many ? Do you pay for each one? I have held off as they all add up financially. I am tempted to subscribe to phillipa perry as I find her words so insightful.how come I can read your posts and yet I don’t subscribe? Or do I ? Maybe I do
Hiya Auntie! So it's an opt-in system. When you subscribe to someone's Substack you will typically be given the option to subscribe for free or to choose a paid subscription, you can also upgrade at any point. I don't put much of my work behind the paywall currently, although I might do at some point, but some people still choose a paid subscription to support me. You will have subscribed to my Substack at some point as a free subscriber. It's good to have you here! Hope that helps. Lots of love 🩷
Caroline, I am feeling much the same as you regarding the imposed speed of Substack and social media’s time table. I haven’t posted anything new except a few comments, a note or two. I hope to rev back up and write a new poem but that’s hard to do on a biweekly time table. I’m also feeling very sad about things going on in my country and in the world right now. I’m sad to hear about your lovely field too. I wish you renewed strength to reemerge with your wonderful poems that fill so many of us with happiness and beauty.
Hi Caroline, I too relate to so much of what you've said here. I'm very much in a process of deciding what my 'true North' really is with my writing practice - especially when it comes to writing fiction. And I feel the brutality of the sudden sunshine and springing forth of life when I'm really rather comfy with my fires and my scarves and hats thank you very much!
I appreciated this post, as I always do. I'm sorry about the field and the brutal farming methods. It's here too (US). I might be part of the brutality. I have only treated nettle as a dangerous weed...I need to rethink that.
Dear Caroline, as always your words resonate so strongly with me. Both about the transition from winter to spring (and summer), and about the ways and wherefores of writing--the struggle to find balance between the deep and slow, and the connection and response. I truly appreciate your presence here, and the way in which you stick to your deeper and slower mode of living and writing and sharing makes it easier for me to come back to that too.
Like you and Alix I am 44, in perimenopause and undiagnosed neurodivergent. We should start a club. 😉 Though with sun in Pisces and moon in Aries I am perhaps more driven by the changing tides of my passions and emotions. In that way the energy of spring, flitting from flower to flower, idea to idea, brings out both the best and the worst in my creativity (constant new ideas which I too easily abandon).
I'm sorry you had to give up the field which you have so lovingly tended, though I bet nature appreciated the breathing room you provided, however temporary. And I will certainly stick with you through name changes and all.
Haha yes I'm all in for the 44 peri ND club 😂🩷 Go easy, Sarah, and thanks for all your support of me and others on this platform. Your warm presence is a gift.
The benefit of the slower, self-managed approach to culture is that it might lead to a greater appreciation of the content at hand, and you might be able to lead another person down the same path that you followed, showing them how to appreciate the same things. It’s more sustainable and more respectful of culture, treating it as something important rather than ephemeral, merely fodder for brief attention spans. Flipping through so much incoherently assembled content in our feeds, we don’t have the opportunity to assimilate it, to learn and understand, much less pass on that understanding to others. - Kyle Chayka, Filterworld: How Algorithms Flattened Culture
I relate to so much of what you’ve said here. I, too and 44, perimenopausal, and undiagnosed neurodivergent! And I need time away from screens and input to create my best work. I’m so sad you’ve had to give up the field! I hope something else springs up in its place for you ❤️
Thanks so much for reading and for the kind comment, Alix. We are Sag/Taurus kindred spirits indeed! 😁🩷 Happy spring equinox to you x
We so are!
My heart goes out to you as you move from one field, hopefully (at some time in the future), to another. At the moment, we are also feeling the unfairness of being renters, as the home we've been in for nine years is set to be sold, unfortunately for a much higher price than it is actually worth. It's also a place where we've planted various trees, including a linden that will likely flower for the first time this year. Our totally organic no-dig garden is thriving, and I suppose without our presence will be returned to a conventional one. But, as you said, our caretaking gave the land a chance to rest, to feel safe, even experience something new from people who loved it just for being. Best wishes to you for new adventures!
Thank you, Cheryl. I love how you frame our caretaking of the land as giving "the land a chance to rest, to feel safe, even experience something new from people who loved it just for being." It gives meaning to something impermanent and brings me some comfort. I am so sorry for the loss of your garden. Some wisdom on this came from my grandmother, who died earlier this year. She was part of a generation who typically owned their homes, as she did. But despite her decades-long love for and tending of her garden, she eventually had to leave it when she moved into care, too. Everything changes. Sending love x
Beautiful as ever Caroline. Thank you for your thoughts on slowness. I often feel like my process and progress are snail's pace or two steps forward, one step back. But still carrying on, in my own time.
Sorry to hear about the field. I hope the new name emerges soon.
Thanks so much for reading, Ruth 🩷
Oh, how sad about losing the re-wilded field. Heartbreaking for sure, however, you will always know how you played a huge role in regeneration... and that's wonderful.
Like you, I'm more of a reader here on Substack than a writer nowadays, and I love being part of what you said: a more 'analogue' experience of connection here. Looking forward to what comes next for you.
Thank you for the kind words, Sally. It is a lovely way to reframe the loss of the field, to know what life it held while it was in our care, and what life will persist now that it isn't. Have a beautiful equinox weekend 🩷
I'm with you here, Caroline. I want to retreat and write in the dark, as you mention, but there is the pressure to stay present. I'm no juggler, but I'm figuring it out. Keep writing, my friend! ❤️
"So much creative work happens in the dark. Listening to your own inner drives and cycles is a skill set that is undermined by the pressure to produce rather than create."
Thanks so much Sam, my friend! I hope you will keep writing too 🩷
I feel as though your words have given me a permission I did not know I was seeking to stay a little longer in Winter. 🩵
Thank you, Georg. A cold and grey day here has sent me back into hibernation 🩷
I think I might not be too far away from you. After the glorious last few days it is indeed grey and chilly today and had me reaching for a favourite jumper 🩵
I’m so sorry you are loosing the field. That must sting so much.
I love this piece of writing though. Thankyou for sharing - much I can relate to in this post and it’s helpful to my own process and finding my elusive North Star
Thanks so much 🩷 It's OK, the field will still be there, just more frequently mown and controlled than we have let it be. With that said I have had to grieve the loss. Forwards, gently! Happy spring equinox my friend x
I had a dream once about dog roses. I was sad that they were being repeatedly mowed / flailed. They laughed at me, in a kind, isn’t she naive sort of way, saying didnt i know that they would spring back, it was waiting underneath, that all would be ok.
Thank you so much for this 🙏💗
“So much creative work happens in the dark” 🖤✨✨
Thank you so lovely 🖤✨
Thank you for sharing your beautiful words Caroline. I’m 54, Taurus, menopausal and undiagnosed neurodivergent. I share your longing for slowness and peace in what feels like a harmful world right now.
Your words remind me to see the beauty and light that still exists ❤️
Thanks so much, Keely 🩷
Sorry to hear you lost the back field, am grateful tha I got to sit out there and watch the goings on - and take a few photos. I am on Substack too andd wonder if you subscribe to many ? Do you pay for each one? I have held off as they all add up financially. I am tempted to subscribe to phillipa perry as I find her words so insightful.how come I can read your posts and yet I don’t subscribe? Or do I ? Maybe I do
Hiya Auntie! So it's an opt-in system. When you subscribe to someone's Substack you will typically be given the option to subscribe for free or to choose a paid subscription, you can also upgrade at any point. I don't put much of my work behind the paywall currently, although I might do at some point, but some people still choose a paid subscription to support me. You will have subscribed to my Substack at some point as a free subscriber. It's good to have you here! Hope that helps. Lots of love 🩷
Thanks- got it ! Sending love and hugs xx
Caroline, I am feeling much the same as you regarding the imposed speed of Substack and social media’s time table. I haven’t posted anything new except a few comments, a note or two. I hope to rev back up and write a new poem but that’s hard to do on a biweekly time table. I’m also feeling very sad about things going on in my country and in the world right now. I’m sad to hear about your lovely field too. I wish you renewed strength to reemerge with your wonderful poems that fill so many of us with happiness and beauty.
Thank you so much, David. I truly appreciate your kind words 🩷
You’re most welcome.
Hi Caroline, I too relate to so much of what you've said here. I'm very much in a process of deciding what my 'true North' really is with my writing practice - especially when it comes to writing fiction. And I feel the brutality of the sudden sunshine and springing forth of life when I'm really rather comfy with my fires and my scarves and hats thank you very much!
Hi Melissa, thanks so much for your comment. I hope you find you true North. 🩷
I appreciated this post, as I always do. I'm sorry about the field and the brutal farming methods. It's here too (US). I might be part of the brutality. I have only treated nettle as a dangerous weed...I need to rethink that.
Thanks so much, Lori. I really appreciate you being here 🩷
Such a beautiful sunrise photo. I am sorry about the field.
Thank you, Holly 🩷
Dear Caroline, as always your words resonate so strongly with me. Both about the transition from winter to spring (and summer), and about the ways and wherefores of writing--the struggle to find balance between the deep and slow, and the connection and response. I truly appreciate your presence here, and the way in which you stick to your deeper and slower mode of living and writing and sharing makes it easier for me to come back to that too.
Like you and Alix I am 44, in perimenopause and undiagnosed neurodivergent. We should start a club. 😉 Though with sun in Pisces and moon in Aries I am perhaps more driven by the changing tides of my passions and emotions. In that way the energy of spring, flitting from flower to flower, idea to idea, brings out both the best and the worst in my creativity (constant new ideas which I too easily abandon).
I'm sorry you had to give up the field which you have so lovingly tended, though I bet nature appreciated the breathing room you provided, however temporary. And I will certainly stick with you through name changes and all.
Haha yes I'm all in for the 44 peri ND club 😂🩷 Go easy, Sarah, and thanks for all your support of me and others on this platform. Your warm presence is a gift.
The benefit of the slower, self-managed approach to culture is that it might lead to a greater appreciation of the content at hand, and you might be able to lead another person down the same path that you followed, showing them how to appreciate the same things. It’s more sustainable and more respectful of culture, treating it as something important rather than ephemeral, merely fodder for brief attention spans. Flipping through so much incoherently assembled content in our feeds, we don’t have the opportunity to assimilate it, to learn and understand, much less pass on that understanding to others. - Kyle Chayka, Filterworld: How Algorithms Flattened Culture
Thank you for this! I wholeheartedly agree :-)